The moment passed – why feedback needs to be timely (or it’s not feedback)

"They didn’t even see it coming."

The news arrived by text, Monday morning. A spreadsheet. A list. The new team line-up for next season’s youth football squads.

For many kids — and their parents — it was a shock. Some had been moved down a level, separated from their friends. No conversation. No heads-up. No clarity. Just a new reality dropped in their inboxes moments before the school day began.

One boy cried before breakfast. Another refused to go to school. Parents texted each other — confused, frustrated, and in some cases, furious. The coaching staff likely had valid reasons, and yes, perhaps they’d noticed “signals” over the season. But the kids didn’t know. The parents didn’t know. And when people don’t know, they fill in the blanks with assumptions.

And often, those assumptions are not generous.

Feedback has a shelf life

There’s a powerful leadership truth buried in that story:

Feedback, when delayed or left unspoken, becomes a missed opportunity.

It’s easy to forget how deeply people care about how they’re perceived — at work, in sport, or in life. When decisions are made (or communicated) without context, clarity, or a chance to course-correct, people are left powerless. And when they feel powerless, they lose trust — in the system, in the leaders, and sometimes in themselves.

Leaders often think they’re giving feedback by offering subtle signals:

• “We’ll be watching closely over the next weeks.”

• “Let’s see how things evolve.”

• “It’s important to take initiative.”

But signals are not feedback. They are shadows. Ambiguous. Easy to misinterpret. And they do more harm than good when they’re all that people get.

Why leaders wait — And why it hurts.

Why do we avoid giving timely feedback? Sometimes:

• We want to avoid discomfort.

• We think the person already knows.

• We don’t feel it’s “the right moment.”

• We assume improvement is unlikely.

But avoidance is costly. When feedback arrives too late — after a promotion was missed, after the team selection is made, after trust is broken — it feels punitive, not developmental. It no longer helps; it only hurts.

Feedback is a leadership act

Leadership is about courageous clarity. Timely feedback, when delivered with care and intent, gives people a choice. It allows them to adjust. To grow. To feel seen and respected.

This doesn’t mean feedback always has to be formal or heavy. In fact, the most effective feedback often sounds like a conversation, not a performance review:

• “Can I share something I noticed that might help you?”

• “I know this matters to you — do you want to talk about how it’s going?”

• “Here’s something I’ve observed, and I would love your take on it.”

Sometimes, it’s just a nudge. Other times, it’s a mirror. But always, it’s a gift — especially when it arrives before decisions are made, not after.

The Situational Leadership lens

Not all people need the same kind of feedback at the same time. That’s where Situational Leadership comes in. It reminds us that the right approach depends on the person’s readiness:

• New or less experienced? They need clear direction.

• Competent but hesitant? They benefit from support and encouragement.

• High performers? Give them autonomy, but check in to affirm or stretch.

Giving the right kind of feedback — at the right time — isn't just smart leadership. It’s human leadership.

What you can do today

1. Think of one person you’ve been meaning to give feedback to — before something shifts.

2. Ask yourself: What would they need most — direction, coaching, support, or space?

3. Give them the gift of timely feedback, with care and clarity.

Because when you wait too long, feedback isn’t feedback anymore. It’s just a story someone else will tell — about what could have been different.

Reflection questions

• When was the last time I delayed feedback — and what was the impact?

• Who in my world might benefit from hearing something now, rather than later?

• What holds me back from offering feedback in real time?